Goal Digger?

When I was in fifth grade – it was my second year in the private school – my mom would always tell me about saving up my allowance because not all of the time that she’s on work, she can give everything. In a $4 (Php200) a day, in a week, probably I could’ve spent a lot of cash during Christmas back in those days. But sadly, I wasn’t a cheapskate back then. I’d spend $2 dollars for Pokémon cards, or even before going inside the school campus I’d stop by Ministop, having slurpees early in the morning.

But anyway, those days does not matter anymore and I am trying to learn that lesson. I wanted to save a big amount of money and see where it can take me afterwards.

If you have been reading my old posts, some of you might have seen that I posted “bucket list before I graduate high school”. But despite my perseverance and punctuality to actually succeed to all of them, I had a trigger of anxiety and depression. I got so delusional, trying to runaway from my problems for everything. And I was thinking back then if I could’ve done better and have not let other people affect my life style I could’ve sworn to my self that it was the time to make my mother proud.

I’m still in my knees crawling for motivation because of my anxiety. I can do things properly sometimes. But whenever I reach this phase where I see someone better than me, I am under pressure.

The next top 20 list might sound shallow if you read them, and it could make you think that I am a dumb person who loves to do random things without properly negotiating my time between social media and school. 

I’ll be honest, I was supposed to be in the top students. But things come around to hit us and make it look like an accident. Those accidents surely know how to tear you and the oppurtunity in any way as possible. And with me, like I said, a dumbfounded anxiety and depression were my opportunity killers.

These are my last high school goals. I wanted to make this last one a better year. Since I’ve been up and been pulled down by my own selfishness and greed. I made this decision to take a little step hear from where I actually kneeled.

  1. To enroll for 12th grade
  2. To have grades from 80-85 especially physics and philosophy.
  3. No removal tests for semestral break
  4. No summer classes
  5. Join the film fest (and prolly win or just join, as long as the audience/viewers enjoyed it)
  6. Hang out with high school friends!
  7. Successfully finish the 52 weeks challenge
  8. Purchase DR-100 dreadnaught Epiphone guitar!! (^o^)
  9. Make the very first video on YouTube fun
  10. Make a very first vlog.
  11. Finish my top 20 watch list (kdrama and anime)
  12. No absences
  13. Finish all of the songs I have been planning to write
  14. Listen to Ambitions and Paramore’s latest album
  15. Finish 35 books from my reading list (both physical books and wattpad)
  16. Enjoy the last year of high school
  17. First makeup related video dedicated for specific people (because they keep requesting it)
  18. Celebrate my birthday a little more better 
  19. Give mom a copy of Adele’s album 19 & 21 for Christmas
  20. GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL

See? I told you they all sound dumb. In anyway I tried to make it fancier to impress myself, it never works. I thought about this little achievement list to change my game. To change all of my worst habits since the very first day of high school. And maybe, this could be a great chance to start.

Big Love ♥

Patricia

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